It amazes everyone how confident people stand boldly for what they believe in or are confident about themselves. All these amazing things you see and read about confident people make you wonder: Can confidence be taught? And other questions that pop up.
Confidence is a positive and bold state of mind gained from experience and situations. Yes, confidence can be taught by changing the state of the conscious mind, which is done by training, repetition, and changing how a person internally views him/herself.
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You read blogs and people tell you to read self-confidence books or self-help books to teach yourself confidence. This tip is completely wrong, and here’s why. You read self-help books or self-confidence books to increase your confidence, not to build it in yourself. Confidence is gained and built by actions or by learning, then by applying what you learned. In the end, applying what you learned about confidence is the most important part.
Reading about how confidence can be taught or how to build solid confidence in yourself is a great start, but if you are not going to apply any of the tips, then none of these things matter.
But before that let me explain why people are unconfident and believe they weren’t meant to be confident.
Why do people have low confidence?
Low confidence problems are deeply rooted in a person’s subconscious mind, which is created through the repetition of events that diminish a person’s worth, unworthy and pathetic looks from others, and the inability of a person to prove him/herself to be good at a certain thing.
In the conscious state of our minds, we are fully aware of who we are. In the subconscious state, there’s an image of who we are that is recorded and captured by our subconscious and is pushed to be as the real us. That’s why people who develop low self-confidence from a young age continue to believe they were meant to be unconfident. That’s a part of their personality, and people are born with confidence.
If you had a circle when you were a kid, that doesn’t:
- Support or push you to do new things and overcome the difficulties you face.
- Look in a shameful way at you when you fail or do an unpleasant thing.
- Never cultivate the strength and the uniqueness in your personality.
- Never appreciate you and always try to find fault in you.
You will develop a very low self-confidence in yourself, deeply rooted in your personality and your perception of yourself.
Teachers, leaders, and parents need to understand this truth. All these events are linked.
If you are always being judged negatively and not appreciated, you will think you deserve less and have the fear of trying new things. This will affect the way you look, walk, communicate with others, and think for yourself. In all these things you will be unconfident.
If the strength in your personality was never developed or you weren’t taught how you could become better at something. You will have a fatalistic belief. Which is, things are as they are; if I’m unconfident, I’ll be unconfident.
How to teach yourself confidence
For more detailed information, read. How to build solid confidence in yourself.
Your past can either teach you confidence or skepticism. Accurately, you were reprogrammed to confidence or skepticism as a kid. As an adult, you can do yours by yourself. It’s not a magic thing or a tip to trick your brain into feeling confident. If you apply the steps, you will get a certain result. The goal is to replace the old image of yourself in your subconscious mind with the new, confident version of yourself. Teaching yourself confidence is teaching your subconscious mind confidence. You can’t lie to your subconscious mind.
The four steps to teach yourself confidence:
1. Set goals accordingly
Everyone has confidence, even people with the worst level of confidence have very little confidence in them. Set goals according to the next level of your confidence. What I mean here is to set goals not with the level of confidence you have (low, worst, or average) but with the next level. If you have the worst level of confidence, set a goal that aligns with what a person with low confidence can do because if you tried to do something high self-confident people do, you will fail and get back to the circle of thinking worst about yourself.
But if you tried reaching a goal one step above your confidence level. It will give you a little confidence in yourself. If you keep on working on yourself, with time, you will see a better change in yourself.
For example, if you are unconfident in trying new things or talking to your crush. Decide to do that scary thing. Dress nicely and go to that girl. You might be now like “yeah I’ll do it” but before you try that scary thing, you think it might fail. Your mind will start bringing up negative thoughts. But here’s a tip: you can’t stop these negative thoughts, but you can decide to focus more on the positive thoughts in your mind.
2. Feed your brain positive thoughts
If you started doing things that will level up your confidence, this is great. I’m proud of you. Since you are replacing the unconfident version of yourself in your subconscious mind, you’ve to realize that the subconscious learns from the things you repeat the most.
Once a week or every day:
- Read positive confidence quotes self-help books.
- Listen to positive podcasts. If you are more into music, listen to ones that give you goosebumps and positive vibes.
- Watch movies that inspire you.
- Stay around confident people.
The music you listen to, movies you watch, people you hang out with, and the books you read affect your perception of the world and ourselves.
When you are trying to break the chains of fears in your mind, feeding your mind with positive thoughts, sounds, and circle lead to success in breaking the chain and speeding up the process.
3. Be independent
Life always tests us to depend on ourselves to get things done but gives us the option to depend on or use others to get what we want. Most people choose the second choice. You grow stronger by depending on yourself. Depend on yourself to get something done. You gain pure confidence in yourself, the one that can’t be shaken by depending on yourself.
4. Be committed to teaching yourself confidence
Confidence is not an easy skill to build in yourself, but the relief and freedom you feel after the process is amazing. Learn to take a rest, but continue until you reach your goal. That’s how you teach yourself confidence.
Confidence is an amazing skill that most people wish to gain only. No matter how bad you think your confidence is, confidence can be taught and you can teach yourself confidence. Don’t try to trick yourself into faking confidence. It doesn’t serve in the long term. If you are working to gain confidence in yourself, I wish you all the best in your journey. Be proud of yourself for choosing this road.