So many people think self-esteem is the same as self-confidence, but there is quite a big difference between them.
Self-confidence is the belief in the ability to do something which comes from practicing and training, while self-esteem is the sense of a person’s self-worth and value. Self-confidence is gained and determined from the outside, while self-esteem is gained and determined from the inside.
Confidence is easy to gain since it comes from practicing and training. If you want to have self-confidence, you have to practice and get better at a thing. The more time and effort you put into something and try to become better at it, the better you become at it. When you become better at something, you believe in your ability to get that thing done. You gain self-confidence.
Self-confidence is gained by working on things outside. Almost everyone has confidence because they are good at least at one thing.
Many times, people search for how to become confident and think that’s what they need. Most of the time, what they need is self-esteem.
How you value yourself and know your self-worth is self-esteem. Opposite to self-confidence which is gained from working on the things outside, self-esteem is gained from the inside. You build your self-esteem by accepting who you are complete without comparing yourself with others.
The biggest Misapprehension is that you need to work hard on something and prove yourself to have self-esteem because it determines your worth.
When you accept who you are, that’s when you start seeing your self-worth.
People work so hard trying to achieve big goals and become highly successful to give themselves a reason to feel good (gain self-esteem), but when they achieve it. They feel good for a short period, then return and feel the same before achieving that success. This is because the success they achieved has nothing to hold on to in themselves.
A person can have good self-confidence but still have low self-esteem. The opposite is correct too. The important one is to have good self-esteem because confidence can be easily gained, but it takes time to accept yourself and determine your worth (gain self-esteem).
I’ve covered this in my other articles How to build solid self-confidence, Confidence vs Ego, and Can confidence be taught. If you have self-confidence problems, you can continue reading from there because I’ll be covering how to build self-esteem.
How to build self-esteem
The endless loop of building things from outside to give you self-worth and feel good about yourself, but ending up feeling bad and unworthy can be solved by building self-esteem.
Building self-esteem has some facts you need to accept and understand that are:
- Self-esteem starts with acceptance.
- The more you try to change who you are, the more your self-esteem declines.
- The more you please people to gain their acceptance and let them determine your worth as a good person, the less worth you give yourself.
- After you’ve accepted these facts, you can build your self-esteem by yourself.
Hint: No matter how many blogs you read about how to build self-esteem, it won’t build your self-esteem. it’s only you who can determine your self-worth because you are the only person who knows the most about yourself. All the self-help blogs about self-esteem are guides to how to build self-esteem.
Tips to help you build your self-esteem:
• Accept yourself
I said this many times in this article and ill say it again. If you think you are fat, ugly, unworthy, or unintelligent. Realize that no one is perfect. Others may fake perfection, but deep down, they feel bad about it.
Instead of clinging and thinking about the imperfect part of you, think and work more on the things you are good at. Everyone is good at something or can do it better than others. The goal is not to compare yourself with others, but to treat yourself the way you would treat the person you love. When you love someone, they are enough for you; you want them to become better, and you are always proud of them.
Accept the flaws that make who you are unique and know you are enough.
• Develop a positive self-talk
Since we talk to ourselves more than we talk to others (not all people), sometimes it’s us who create the low self-esteem issue. People who have high self-esteem have mastered positive self-talk.
When you fail or do a shameful thing, people will talk negatively about you. It’s a part of human nature and you can’t escape it. But if your internal voice whispers positive and encouraging messages to you in a difficult time, you won’t care about the outside voices and develop high self-esteem.
The psychology behind positive self-talk is simple. There’s always a person in our lives who inspires and encourages us to do better. We value that person so much. If you can be that person in your life, you will value yourself so much and build high self-esteem.
• Stop seeing yourself through the eyes of others
When you let others determine your worth, they give you less than you deserve. It’s one of the mistakes people make when they are grown. They search for answers from the outside. When you are a child, your parent will tell you who you are and what you can be, but when you grow up, you decide that.
Not all people have the ability to see others’ worth and what they can be. It’s the special type of human (with the gift) who can do that. People don’t see and judge things for what they are. They see things through the lens of their experience.
When you let others determine your worth, they dig inside their past to see a person they have known for a long time with qualities similar to yours, then give you answers based on what that person has become. Don’t let others determine your worth.
• Be yourself
Go outside and be yourself with all that you are. When you get negative feedback from people, remember to not see yourself through others’ eyes (in short, you shouldn’t care). You are enough. When you can’t change yourself, you love and accept yourself because you weren’t meant to be changed.
Self-esteem and self-confidence are different and important in life. Self-confidence helps you to live a better life because you always have the mindset of I Can. Self-esteem helps you live a happy and fulfilled life. Develop both in your life.